How To Have A Successful Gay Threesome
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Threesomes can be a fun, engaging, exciting sexual experience for singles and couples who are able to approach these interactions in a mature way. Incorporating a third person into the sexual equation is a total game-changer, introducing a whole new dynamic that can prove to be undoubtedly liberating for some. Whether straight, gay, male, female, trans, single, coupled or otherwise, a threesome experience is commonplace in western civilization.
In fact, in a recent nationwide poll taken by ABC News, 14% of all adults over the age of 18 were found to have tried a threesome at least once in their life. With regard to the gay demographic exclusively, a recent study released by the Center for Research on Gender & Sexuality sampled 566 men from around the California bay area, recording data related to exclusive and open relationships, sexual habits, and HIV rates. They found that almost half of this sample engaged in some form of an “open relationship,” while an even larger number reported having had threesomes.
Finally, another recent study released in Archives of Sexual Behavior recorded information from 274 undergraduates at a typical Canadian university by having them respond to anonymous online surveys regarding their attitudes towards threesomes. Overall, they found that 82% of the men surveyed reported interest in some form of threesome behavior.
Planning a threesome can be a stressful experience, especially for couples who are deciding whether to feature a guest star. Single men can also be intimidated when deciding whether or not they feel safe engaging with a couple. Whether you have had successful threesomes and are seeking additional tips, or you are on the fence and want to find out more information, we hope that these general guidelines can help you to establish rules and boundaries to promote a safe, fun experience!
1. Establish Expectations Prior To Meeting
It does not matter if the threesome consists of three strangers communicating online, a couple trying to bring in a third, or any other setup; the best way to ensure a smooth meet-up is to establish expectations before heading over to someone’s place. Perhaps this sounds transactional and inorganic, however, when the right questions are discussed before the meeting, inhibitions and worries are better relieved.
2. The Obvious – Safety
Although this seems obviously intuitive to some, this is a topic that can be easily forgotten in the heat of the moment. Talk to all participants about how you are protecting yourself against sexually transmitted infections. Ask about PrEP, establish ground rules for condom usage, and request to see recent test results. It’s your health – they owe you answers.
3. Positioning & Kissing
Although it’s a wonderful thought to anticipate the experience to develop naturally with regard to topping and bottoming, nothing is worse than ending up with three bottoms in the room, resorting to Pokemon Go for entertainment. Especially if you are a couple who is seeking to bring in a third, outline what each of you wants both to each other and to the guest. Some couples enjoy engaging in all sexual behavior with a third with the exception of kissing. Make sure details like this are effectively communicated to the third. Although surprises can be nice, rely on the novelty of the threesome alone for stimulation.
4. Engage All Parties
If the chemistry is not there, don’t force it. However, there are ways in which each participant can adjust the dynamic to make each member feel included and engaged. Find out what turns on each member and play on it. Enjoy focusing on one partner for a period of time, and then refocusing on the other, or even remove yourself from the scene and enjoy the show from across the room. You will feel vulnerable – that’s part of the fun!
One complaint or reservation we hear from couples who have featured a third or are thinking about doing so is the jealousy factor. The concern surrounds the discomfort some have with watching their boyfriend engage in behavior with another, however, they are still allured by the idea and novelty of the new dynamic. Our suggestion is this: allow yourself to be turned on by someone else showing their attraction to your boyfriend. Yes, you will feel a little jealous. However, if you are confident in your relationship, the enjoyment you will derive from experiencing someone other than yourself physically express their attraction to your significant other will override this jealousy.
5. Debrief
A little strange, no?
Debriefing is an excellent way to hear first-hand from the other participants how your performance was received. Whether you are single or coupled, following up with the threesome participants after an engagement can help you answer any thoughts or questions that were left unsatisfied during the meet-up. This is especially imperative for couples who are in the beginning stages of experimenting with threesomes. Discuss how you feel emotionally, physically, and mentally, not just immediately after the engagement, but days after as well. This can help a couple decide whether or not threesomes are right for them.
